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Disclaimer: Author Paul Joannides´ ´The Guide To Getting It On´, a book on sex education, may be too hot for some readers. You´ve been warned.

Paul Joannides "Guide to getting it on" - 3 1/2 stars (Thill) 4 stars (McGhee)

Apparently size does matter

Two of our writers offer insight on the surprisingly big 782-page 'Guide To Getting It On'

By: David Thill and Jamie McGhee/ Verge staff writers

Posted: 2/10/05

Book may yet save men's relationship woes
David Thill/ Staff Writer

Imagine, if you will, a time long ago. A time, if Warner Bros. cartoons have taught me anything, when establishing and maintaining a relationship was as simple as clubbing a potential mate over the head with a comically oversized piece of lumber and dragging her away to romantic bliss.

(Please do not mistake my attempt at a joke for blatant misogyny.)

But such a time is no more; lost through the ages. Now, maintaining a relationship is a difficult and very precise craft, nay a science. A science that men, undoubtedly, have failed to grasp the concept of.

Thankfully there are people out there with the know-how to articulate even the most sensitive of sexual topics to even the most unenlightened of cavemen.

Paul Joannides' book, the "Guide to Getting it On," explains sexual and relationship-related topics from kissing and romance, to sex as a disabled person to explaining sex to children.

While a daunting 782-page behemoth to behold, the readability of the book exceeds expectations. Rather than reading like the text book it appears to be, it reads more like a sex column run amock.

I chose a few of my favorite chapters to highlight to describe the span of topics covered in the book.

Romance
The title of the chapter alone is enough to frighten most men out of the very thought of entering into a relationship. But Joannides finds a way to break the idea of chivalry down into a simple how-to process. From incorporating romance into the first date or even rekindling the spark lost in a 20-year union, he describes romance as a functional necessity of a modern relationship rather than a burden on one's way to sex.

Playing With Yourself
I know, I know, nobody reading this plays with themselves ... but let's be honest, as studies show, 80 to 95 percent of folks out there just like the rest of us play with themselves. In this portion of the book, the topic of masturbation, both male and female, is tackled and dissected with an almost obscene (another joke, get it?) scrutiny. From use as a sexual stimulant before sex to a must for adolescent growth. Joannides approaches an issue that would make most squirm with professionalism that makes it very readable as well as enlightening.

Clean Jeans ... and Boxers
One of the grandest questions to ever befuddle mankind is answered and expanded upon in one of the more interesting chapters of the book. Few would think to look to overly tight jeans as a cause for concern as far as infections go, but as Joannides explains, jeans, or any other pant selection, could be a potential mine field of danger. And the topic of boxers or briefs itself is studied as he shows readers both pros and cons of the two.

Gnarly Sex Germs
A terrifying but true aspect of sex with anyone other than yourself is laid out in painstaking detail for readers. Nearly all sexually transmitted diseases are inspected by Joannides. He even gives a brief history of syphilis, the original AIDS, as he describes it. While the chapter is a frightening one to read, it provides important knowledge on what to do to avoid STDs and what to do if one should come into contact with said diseases.

Sex When You're Horny and Disabled
This is a personal favorite of mine. As the author states, many people do not consider the sexual needs and desires of the disabled. Joannides explains not only the sexual needs of a disabled person, but also how to have sexual relations should readers encounter a partner who is disabled.

Joannides dismantles myths and folklore of sex with an easily understood and approachable writing style that not only makes the book and easy read, but a must read.

Guide leaves no strategy untried
Jamie McGhee/ staff writer

Sex seems like a simple concept. Two people, hopefully attracted to each other, hopefully mature enough, usually of the opposite gender but sometimes not, conduct a variety of sexual activities that could include good old-fashioned intercourse.

Who would have thought that the 'Guide' would consist of over 750 pages? Author Paul Joannides didn't fail to describe every detail and every strategy, which made things interesting. These are the five chapters I thought would be the most interesting: Kissing-Lip-Smacking Good, The Importance of Getting Naked, On the Penis, Sex Fluids & Lube and Doing Yourself in Your Partner's Presence.

Lip-Smackisfaction
Have you ever noticed how kissing a partner on the lips usually makes a more emotional statement than kissing him or her anywhere else? There are reasons why lip-locking is sometimes more intimate than getting into a partner's pants.

Joannides says it's partly because as we grew up, we were kissed from the neck up by family members as a sign of love, while no one would kiss us from the waist down (normally, anyway). Also, the face contains outlets of the senses: touch, vision, smelling, hearing and taste. Letting someone get close to it is a sign of major trust and affection.

Kissing is so intense, the chapter states, that couples in troubled relationships will stop kissing long before they stop having sex. It's a shame because kissing is described in the guide as the "main course."

According to this chapter, "Some people experience make-out sessions as hotter than a lot of the intercourse they've had."

Birthday suits
It is funny how in North America there is "The Naked Nipple Rule," as one of the sections is labeled. A woman isn't really naked unless her nipples are showing. The Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake incident during the Super Bowl halftime incident is a prime example. There are two ways to get naked with someone: physically and emotionally.

Physically, some people are comfortable getting naked, others aren't. The guide offers tips to help east that tension. You and your partner should undress each other in the dark and then examine each other with a small penlight. If comfort isn't a problem for either of you, then enjoy things such as undressing yourself in front of your partner or try a little light-hearted wrestling match.

'Princess Sofia'
Now, the penis from a woman's point of view. My limit on column length is going to cut this section rather short, but length isn't everything.

The author points out that some men put all their confidence into that third leg.

Reactions to it can either make or break some people. For men who take their package too seriously, sex becomes a performance in which they feel they must deem themselves worthy. "Some men lose emotional connection once intercourse begins. The woman starts to feel like she's become a masturbation machine."

Also, it was surprising to read that a hard-on is not all that determines when a man is aroused. Some come in the middle of class for no reason at all (guys know what I'm talking about), while the vision of Princess Leah in the golden bikini may not give them an inch. So, ladies, do not take offense if "Princess Sofia" doesn't come up to say "Hello" every time you expect. Just remember the importance of kissing, and things will probably work themselves out from there.

Fluids
Sex fluids, like getting naked, are something that may make a few uncomfortable. For instance, "one woman might find it wonderful when partner ejaculates. The chapter says, it leaves her feeling valued and powerful being the one who makes his fluids flow." Another would rather not deal with it. Men usually welcome women's sexual wetness, although there are exceptions. Genital fluids aside, the two other main body fluids that are associated with sex are sweat and saliva.

Best left behind closed doors
Most women have never seen their boyfriends masturbate, and the same goes for many men with their girlfriends. "For straight people, masturbating in front of a partner can sometimes take a lot of trust.

That's because masturbation tends to be more self-disclosing than other types of sex." But there are many perks for trying this with your beloved:

Seeing your partner masturbate is often erotic and even forbidden.

If your partner can see how you please yourself, this might help him or her to understand more about pleasing you.

Orgasms from masturbation are sometimes more intense than other kinds of orgasms.

Masturbating together prevents fear or chance of pregnancy or STDs.

Sometimes your partner just isn't in the mood for full-blown sex.

It is sometimes extremely intense when you lend a hand (or a tongue) when your partner is masturbating. That's not to say you perform hand or oral sex; examples might be a licking your partner's neck or inside his or her ear while they get it on with him/herself.

Readers scared of the page count can be relieved that these are just five of the 58 chapters that this book has to offer. The guide is great for skipping, skimming and scanning. Other interesting sections include 30,000 Thrilling Vibrations, Nipples Nipples Nipples, Oral Sex: Popsicles & Penises, Sex on the Interstate and more.

"Guide to Getting It On" proves there's still a lot of uncharted water for couples and singles-chances are you won't be bored after a few chapters.